When not hanging from the ceiling or pointing out errors in the way people think of vampires and what they do, I so do not sparkle! no things like taking a bath in the blood of teenage virgins is like so medieval and like how do you locate the bath liquid? What teenage guy would ever admit to being a virgin? ..........Besides it is a waste of good food.
And before anyone goes on about swimming in pools of human blood virgin or not, just think about what you will have to do with the empties ………. About 549,000 bodies
Ok so not a fully accurate number as it will depend upon size of the person, plus pool size but even with a small pool heck at best you can get three empty bodies in the trunk of a car.
Method: 50m length 25m width 2m depth 50x25x2=2,500 so 4385964.912 pints /8 = 548,245.5 people to kill .............. look it is a guessamate ok ! after the first 100,000 your pen and paper are all soaking in blood.
Well now those which have read my words of wisdom of life as a teenage vampire will know that vampires are not human we just look that way so as not to frighten the food.
Hummmm perhaps at this point I should give a health warning ..........well apart from going up to a vampire and saying "Bite Me" no I have been told that people follow what I say and could get hurt ........... yes it is true ! wow so let me make this clear to all those walking bags of blood, do not throw yourself off a mountain trying to turn into a bat ... ......first test it out in the local Mall running at speed flapping your arms and even then wear flat shoes in case you trip.............. Perhaps a cover all statement of "This is dangerous do not try at home without perental supervision"
To know more you will have to read the books but to put it simply you have Vampires and you have Turned Humans unlike a true vampire they are fixed in time and are the best type of indentured servant you could hope for ……… well it helps that they almost worship you as their maker.
But enough about us today we will be dealing with humans and some readers may be surprised that the Vampire community is mostly a human idea.
Now I expect it would be best to produce some kind of family tree, but as I have never found out how to do that in Word so I will just have to list the various factions and let someone else create a tree, bush or forest from it.
Now on writing this I can guarantee I will upset lots and lots human vampire community sub groups so let’s start off…………… and if any walking bags of blood reading this complain too loudly they may find themselves bitten….. ok you have been warned.
Now vampires do not normally talk about which house, clan or Community they may belong to as it is normally nothing to do with humans unless they receive a dinner invite.
So let us now talk about Humans in the “Vampire Community”
You will often see the word “REAL” placed in front of lots of things in the vampire world and I so often think it is an odd word to use when talking about a culture born of a myth, plus if you need to tell people what is real you maybe attracting the wrong people.
Drawings, Paintings Movies and Books on Vampires should mean that Artists and Writers are a very much part of the vampire community as would be those that help create the Movie vampire image, those that Star in the movies will also have honoury membership in the community.
99% of the world would take what they know and believe about vampires from what the see or read.
Come on just think about it where would the vampire myth be without ‘Dracula’ by Bram Stoker and as for reality to most of the world this is what a VAMPIRE should be ………….. With many books and movies following on we are given all what we need to know about vampires: ………
Creepy old castles
Servants with strange eating habits
High Sex drive
Large number of night dresses
Likes to Hiss a lot
Becomes a lesbian as soon as she is turned
Next we get the group of academics or Vampire experts as these vary from those that know the Babylonian name for the vampires first kill of the night (appetizer?)
To those that can tell you which episode Buffy lost her virginity in.
A sub group off those that make a study of vampires are not so much experts but Nutters which hang about graveyards in the hope of staking a vampire …………… er lads ……… the food in graveyards has well past its sell by date for vampires, try the subway no one takes any notice of what happens on a tube train.
Otherkin those with animal spirits, not sure why lots of these hang about vampire groups but heck why not ……..put down fresh newspaper and make them feel at home……
…mind you the ones which say they have the animal spirit of a Dragon, Cockatrice or Unicorn I think may have lost their way looking to attend a Role-play group.
Otherkin are not to be confused with Furries as those dress up as animals attend cosplay and are said to have some wide parties
*************** Now what else? ***************
Psi Vampires and Energy drinkers, these due to the feeding off human energy are a new subgroup attached to the vampire name.
In the past you could discover these activities under headings of dangerous occult magic and witchcraft and must have been common in the past as many books have been written on this subject ………Dion Fortune’s Psychic Self-Defence first published in 1930 is still available.
If you don’t like reading then a lead helm as used by magneto in the XMen may be useful.
If you wish to save money then you could wrap your head in tin foil or for more freedom of movement cover the walls in it ………the extra benefit is that your home will have a real cool spaceship look to it.
Personally I would say to be safe remove the head of anyone that looks at you in a funny way ………well it is always best to play it safe.
Blood Drinkers and their donors ……….. now as a subgroup these can tick a lot of the vampire boxes and so have a place in the vampire community, a nice peaceful lot and as long as they have feed in advance can be invited to any party ………. But unless you wish to cause an argument do not mention renfield syndrome, apart from upsetting them it is not real.
After this perhaps you all know of other sub groups and if you do then you may start to worry that the vampire community will spread to cover most of humanity.
Want More then get the books:
Where to buy "FANGS RULE" A Girls Guide to being a Vampire
Where to buy "VAMPIRE the strange life of a teenage Vampire"
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